MotherBug

So, i've broken it off with the older man. First time we fooled around, he couldn't finish because he hurt his back earlier in the day. Second time, he was having serious erectile dysfunction problems. I know the fault wasn't mine because the man gets close to me and gets a hard-on! - but during sex, he had to stop and pleasure himself to keep it hard just a LITTLE too much. I was like, well, gee, why don't I just go to sleep, and you can do your thing. Sorry, but sex needs to be mutually gratifying, and I guess old men just don't do it for me.

No more of anyone older than 33 for a long while. He was like "you're the first person I've opened myself up to since my divorce"

me: *snorts mentally and thinks "Oooh-hoo! I get to be rebound girl! Yay!"

Seriously, yeesh. Men are strange. Idiots, and strange. Lovely combo, that.

Anyways, I tdhink I have another problem developing, unless Iza and I are completely misreading the signs. You see, there is this guy in my Math class that I adore. He's like a big brother to me. An absolute sweetie. Cuddles me when I'm cold, helps me figure out the Math, teases me incessantly. You name it, he does it. That's how I view him, a big brother. I view him like that because, well, there is no sexual attraction there at all.

He's like 6 foot something, but weighs like 300 pounds? Its just, not attractive to me. At all. I need some spark to be there for me to consider the guy. Now, with that said, last night, on the drive home, he put his hand on my thigh, however briefly, and he touches me constantly. I don't particularly mind the casual touches, I'm turning into a tactile person, but the hand on the thigh thing...

Anyways, I know I need to have the lets just be friends talk, but I don' want him to pull away, which is what I know will inevitably happen. I don't know what to do. Should I try to put aside my dislike for his size, and let things develop? Am I just being shallow for not thinking of him in that way because he doesn't turn me on?

I don't know.

I like having the male attention, but goodness, there are a lot of problems that go along with it!!

I have an algebra midterm coming up pretty soon. I'm worried about it. *sigh*

Anyways, going to go for now.

Motherbug, signing off.

Wow. Heh. Just, wow. So much has been going on. I mean, not like a ton of stuff happening all at once, but...when men are involved. Heh.

So, Chad (the 41 year old professor guy), Iza, Dave (the Musician), and myself went out Friday night. We ended up all crashing at Chad's house.

I was a bad girl. I didn't MEAN to sleep with the guy. Well, erm, its not like he had a hard-on and I accidently fell on it, but ya know. Good intentions, and all that? However, he touches me and instantly my body is like "ah-huh. Yep. Yep. You're getting some tonight. Ah-huh. GET LAID, NOW!!" I fought it, I really did, but...ayechihuahua! The man KNOWS how to use that five oclock shadow of his in some very interesting places. Mm, he was nice. Not great, but nice. The sensations got quite pleasurable there for a while, but in the end, didn't do much for me.

I think its my neuropathy, honestly. I mean, yeah. Heh. Sex is doomed to be thoroughly non-orgasmic for me.

Ah well. Its still fun!

----

So, we went clubbin' on Saturday night, the three (C,I,D) of us, plus a friend of Chad's named Joe (Who's quite strange - a pervert. Heh). They decided to show us Columbus in all its diverse beauty (aka- they wanted to take us to a GAY nightclub!) Oh, my goodness! It was so fun. Lots of dancing (I finally understand why they call it trance music), lots of teasing Chad (physically), watching Iza on the tabletop (Wooohooooooo! Mah friend is a tabletop dancer! *cackle*). I want to go back!

We ended the night at a Hookah Lounge. HOOKAH'S ARE AWESOME! Just outright cool.

...we bought our own? Muahaha!

ITs this cute little thing about a foot tall. We have mint and mango flavored tobacco. For those of you whom have never tried a hookah, they are NOT like cigarettes, at all. The smoke is not harsh like a cigarette, its very nicely flavored, and you don't get nearly as much nicotine from it. Very relaxing.

----

Chad and I are supposed to chill at his house and watch a movie this weekend. This will be the third weekend in a row we've been out together. Its....nice. Which is scary. I know it shouldn't be, but it is. This guy is just so NICE. I'm waiting for him to pull a big one and hurt me. I'm not going to be able to let down my guard around him. Why should I?

I'm completely comfortable with him in bed, and on several personal levels. I'm screwed.

Well, bye!

So, yeah, I feel fully initiated into being an OSU student now. Why, you may ask? Because Iza and I just got in at 8:30 AM!! from going down to the bar last night. We were down there at the regular spot, howling, and then her musician friend showed up, and he brought a friend...

We went from the bar, to the brewery district, to his house, and to bed. Well, he and I went to his Bed. Iza and Dave (the musician) got the couch and the nook. I adore the man's bed, the man's chest, the man's touch...well, I'm not going any further with that train of thought!

I didn't sleep with him, at least! Well, I did literally 'sleep' with him, for like a half hour. The rest of the time, we were busy amusing ourselves. It was great, I got to use the man's lines. You know, stare him straight in the eyes, gently place my hands on his cheeks, and say "I'll still respect you in the morning.", and "don't worry, I won't get you pregnant." I loved it!

Yeah, I probably won't see him again, but it was a nice night. I'm going to treat it as exactly that, nothing more. He wouldn't sleep with me. Well, its not like I set out to sleep with him, though. I do respect him more for it, because he said he wouldn't , and then he followed through with what he said. So, it was heavy petting, but no sex.

And, oh, my goodness...we were shocking Dave. I told him to go away, we were having wild monkey sex! when he popped his head in the door to ask for something. This morning, he saw a bruise on my arm, asked what it was from, I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I told you we were having wild monkey sex!" Everyone about lost it, it was great!


Yeah, we went out for Bob Evans this morning. Then, when he dropped us off, he was like, "it was nice meeting you," and stuff to me. Dude, what did you want me to say? Nice almost-sex, lets do it again sometime? I just gave his hand a squeeze, when he asked if I'd see him later, and said "sure". I'm not committing! He's 41.

FORTY ONE!!

Bloody old enough to be my father. That's just strange. He is, or seems to be, kind, sweet, and gentle. Almost too gentle. I like it a little rougher than he goes. Its like, I'm NOT made of glass. YEEESH!

...yeah. Okay, so..yeah. Ah-huh.

We were howling at the bar. Literally, howling.

"What's the time?
Well its gotta be close to midnight
My body's talkin to me
Says its time for danger

It says I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt
And flirt with a stranger

I've had a knack from way back
Of breaking the rules
once I learned the game

Get up! Life's too quick
I know someplace sick,
where this chick can dance in the flames...

...
...

Lets go Owwwwwwww-hooooooooooooooooooot tonight!
I gotta go OWwwwwwwww-hooooooooooooooot! tonight!

(Some lines from Let's go Out Tonight - from Rent)

Okay, i've got to make this a quick one, but I realised I hadn't updated in a while. That, and I fully admit it, I'm avoiding studying for a moment. Its just, I have two quizzes coming up, and I feel like I'm going to do horrible on them, so why even bother? Especially this math one. And then, next Tuesday, I have my first test. I'm scared about it. At least its in the evening so I should be a little bit more awake, I hope. I HOPE.

I'm listening to the Cheap and Evil girl. Well, now I'm listening to "drawn to the fire" from BtVS. Cheap and Evil girl is a bit too loud, considering I'm on my laptop and don't have headphones with me.

At some point, I really have to get to a lab and print off my course packet for FAES. Joy. I was at the other place, but I never even heard a printer go off whilst I was there. Pah.

I was talking with Arwyn today, and made a comment that I had a 'big voice', which lead to me being a superhero. The bouncing boobs of the Mord-Sith. rawr! My one weakness, of course, is the non-elasticity of my boobs past a certain point.

Of course, this is a good thing. You never know the amount of control tha tone could ddevelop over their boob muscles. Imagine me using htem like a lasso. Just whip those babies out, and pull the person back to me!

Of course, if I could stretch and retract my boobs at will......

I wouldn't need a guy for sex! *cackle*

yes, yes, that was a deliberate attempt to make anyone reading this spit all over their screen.

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I'm exhausted. Anymore it feels like I'm always tired. It sucks. I just want to go home tonight and sleep for...at least 12 hours, but I really need to go to math tutoring. That, and I must not forget to get Iza's book for her, or to get the reading done for FAES. Hmph.

---------------

I'm in my math room, waiting for class to begin, and all I want to do is lay my head down. I NEED CAFFEINE, DAGNABIT. I don't have caffeine in the morning anymore, and ...wow. Yes, caffeine is required from now on out. LOTS OF IT. Mmm, raiding the chocolate stash when I get home!

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I still haven't started my period. I think I'm pregnant.

.
.
.
.
.
.
JUST KIDDING, MOM!


Seriously though, it sucks that I have not started yet, when I keep feeling like I'm going to. Mph. I want it done, overwith, and out of the bloody way (pardon the pun.) Periods suck.

Anyways, I've gotta go. Gotta actually study, all that jazz.

"Out tonight"

Whats the time?
Well, its gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me,
says time for danger

Okay,s o, even when you know you don't have to go in to work until 2:30 the next day, you should STILL actually go to sleep at a decent hour. But, did I listen to this bit of common sense? Noooooo...even though I've been dog-tired here lately, I stayed up reading, and so forth, until nearly 2 am in the morning, and was up at 6. I mean, I was up reading until 1, and then there was the usual 1 hour-ish 'pleaselemetgotosleeppleaseletmegotosleep' jack that I go through.

I'm concerned about my relationship with God. I've been drifting away from reading my bible and stuff, and that bothers me. Its like...Being caught in a current that's dragging you away from the single hanging branch that you held on to before that saved your life. I guess I get caught up in the minute, and forget about the long run.

I'm going to work on that. I am, and I'll do better. One day at a time, not one minute at a time. None of the pleasures in this life are worth not getting to Heaven once I die. Anyone that says differently has a screw loose.

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So, you know you read too much when: You go to the library, pull your books out of your bag to check them out, and the librarian's eyes slowly widen as you keep pulling out books.

For the record, I don't think I got that many.

Library list:
Clan of the Cave Bear
Valley of Horses
Mammoth Hunters
Plains of Passage
Shelters of Stone

(Yes, I checked out the whole bloody series, so I could read it from one end to the other without stopping and waiting for a book to come out)

CSI - the Killing Game
CSI - The Ties that Bind

Anita Blake - The Killing dance
Anita Blake - Blue Moon
Anita Blake - Burnt Offerings

Picoverse

Rainbow Mars

Light Music

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I guess I am kinda anal about my reading, but...its better than living some of the stuff, its better than being wrapped up in real life, and ...well, yeah. I'm sure you get the point.

Time for my daily achaean rant.

Lyrin quit the House, which wasn't that bad, as he can stay in the Defenders of the Arts. However, it made me realise the need for a contract stating their loyalties and alliances if they wish to stay in that clan. Now, needless to say, Cyrene and my character, Alistaire de'Savet....well, they have issues with eachother. Specifically Dallam and Alistaire. Dallam acts all nice and stuff now, and Ali is polite, and a little joking with him at times, but when she tells the man she's going to black-ball him (which she did over a public 'channel'), he takes it as joking, she takes it as a way to threaten and insult him without getting in trouble for it. Its a routine that works quite well.


-----------

Work was nuts. Absolutely nuts. I was so stressed, and so bloody irritated. I've had practically NO TRAINING in the insurance policies - doing a payment, or making a new one. So, needless to say, one run-through is NOT enough! I think I might have watched one be done, once, but that's just not enough for me to be comfortable with doing it, even with a cheat sheet.

Neither am I comfortable cashing checks.

Or issuing and loading Net Spends (Prepaid Visa cards)

So, naturally, the FIRST TIME I'm left there alone- guess what happens?

Fellow comes in, wanting a loan, fine and dandy - doesn't want the net spend. Halfway through the loan process, he decides he wants the net spend. Grr. Argh. Well, I get him taken care of, in the process missing my only break. Then, another fellow comes in, to pay his insurance payment. After that, a fellow barely speaking legible English comes in to ESTABLISH insurance. Then, after that, a fellow comes in to cash an 800 dollar check, which, when I called the bank, didnt' have sufficient funds to be cleared. I probably messed up there, but...ya know.

Anyways, then my co-worker had forgotten to exit her drawer.

I had people lined up 4 deep in the lobby area. The last person didn't leave until 5:05, and we were supposed to close at five. I had had NO time to get pre-closing stuff done, which meant instead of only being there for a half hour - forty five minutes after closing, I was there for an hour and a half!!!!!!


Needless to say, I was very grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that night.

--------------------------------

I got to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

I was very much going oooh-ahhh-gigglegigglegigglegiggle-NO NO NO THATS NOT IN THE BOOK the whole time. I loved it when Hagrid tried to grope Madam Olympe, and when Hermione talked about Krum being a very 'physical' being. The Voldemort as that little child thing was exactly like I pictured it in the books, but...the Voldemort grown just was not up to part. The slitty nostrils and bald head were good, but the voice was off, and the eyes weren't slitty and red!!

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I dyed my hair last night. Now its an odd shade of red.

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Quote: "I like a bit of air 'round my privates!" - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

So, its 4:06 pm, and I'm eating breakfast. I actually just ate breakfast, but I'm still hungry, so I'm eating again.

Why does being on your period screw with your taste buds? *eyes her chocolate macadamia nut coffee, mournfully*

I've been up since like...2:30. I've got to get ready for work and stuff soon, but...I don't want to. I will. I just..don't want to.

I slept pretty good, surprisingly. Gotta love heating pads.

Achaea is driving me nuts. Sometimes I adore it, sometimes I can't stand it. The learning to code is fun, except I don't think the coding I'm learning can ever be used outside of zmud. Oh well. *laugh*

I went to sleep entirely too early last night, but it was nice to wake up not because I needed to, but because I'd had enough sleep.

CSI is on tonight, and its a new episode. Wooot! Can't wait!

I need a haircut. *eyes her mop of hair flopping down in her face* Badly.

However, my roomie is nice enough to keep me from cutting it, which is good, because I'd be disappointed if I did. I'm dying it though, first chance! Red, of course.

Hmm, anything insightful to comment upon..

NOPE!

Quote - Greg - "I just wanted to let you know, I didn't see anything when we were in the shower." - Sara "Oh? I saw everything."

Hmph, I'm in the mood to whine. This is mine LJ, so I'm going to whine. Be prepared.

THAT TIME OF THE MONTH SUCKS ARSE. I mean, argh. And, plus, I'm so jealous of some of the people I know *peer Arwyn* who get these little 3 day periods. BAH!

6+ days, complete with the horrid cramps is what I got 'blessed' with. I wanna go back on Birth Control!

On the upside, it got me chocolate. Moosetracks fudge chocolate icecream. Yum!

Hmm, one of my co-workers invited me to go clubbing with her sometime. I'm not entirely comfortable with that idea. I know it would be a great way to meet people, but its still going out to the clubs and stuff, you know? The stuff that you hear goes on there. Maybe I've watched too many CSI episodes, but to me clubs are dangerous places. Still...It would be fun.

I don't know. Hmph.

I can't wait until we get some money coming in. I'd love to learn to dance, and to learn self-defense. Especially to learn self-defense. Bus stops are not pleasant places.

I do not consider myself racist at all, and I lived by this naive idea that if I didn't treat people like they were beneath me, or above me, then they would treat me similiar. I was wrong. By the end of my day on Monday, I was ready to slap something and go EXCUSE ME FOR BEING WHITE!! Seriously, it gets horrid up here sometimes. Its like I'm getting blamed for the fact that some of my 'white ancestors' brought over some of their 'black ancestors' from Africa. Its just freagin irritating. I understand that the African Americans have had to put up with a lot of discrimination, and I do not think that is right.

I also don't think its right that so many people seem to still be living by the characterization of skin colour. The ones that can break away from that, I applaud. They are the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. Its the ones that go "I'm white, therefore I'm the superior go-to-country-clubs, be-a-lawyer (no, that wasn't a jab at Iza's boyfriend" type, or "I'm black, therefore I must hate every white person I come across, because of my past."

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY I'M SORRY I'M WHITE TO ANYONE! GOD BLESSED ME WITH IVORY SKIN JUST LIKE HE BLESSED YOU WITH YOUR PARTICULAR SKIN COLOUR! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, TOUGH FREAGIN LUCK! GET OVER IT! I'LL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU TREAT ME. I'M NOT GOING TO CODDLE ANYONE OR HOLD THEIR BLOODY HANDS BECAUSE THEY'RE THE ONES HOLDING ON TO PREJUDICE. GAH!!!!!

I was watching this 60 minutes show with Morgan Freeman, and at one point, he was talking about racism. Basically what he ended up saying, and I full-heartedly agree with this, is that until we stop characterizing eachother as black, white, hispanic, whatever, then we are never going to abolish racism.

Example: When I'm talking about my roommate, Iza, I don't call her "My Filipina roommate". I call her "My roommate, Iza".

Morgan Freeman is not "that black actor." He's "Morgan Freeman."

See how easy that is? Why do people have to make life so much more complicated than it is anyways? Yes, the past sucked. But this isn't the past, This is the PRESENT!

*breathes deeply*

Anyways, this could also be owing to the fact that I'm on my period, and really need someone to show me around the town ;) *snicker*

Okay, so 5:05 is way too early to get up. I mean - gah. I'm surprised I'm not still in bed, periodically hitting the snooze, and such.

Instead, I'm awake-ish, ready for work, and working slowly on making a 32 ounce bottle of coffee.

You heard me right. 32 oz.

COFFFEEEE


On a day like this, I'm allowed that addiction. Can I go back to sleep?

Please?

I shouldn't probably be on here, because I have to be down to the bus stop pretty soon, but I needed somewhere to let off some frustration, and I won't wake my roommate.


My back hurt me last night :( One of the downsides to having no bed except the floor. It was hard to get to sleep, and I don't think my sleep was very good, either.

My roommate offered to let me sleep in her big bed beside her, but I just don't feel right about that. I don't want to feel like I'm imposing.

One of her cats is beside me now, begging shamelessly for attention. The cat hardly ever wants attention unless you're busy. Funny how that works. I love this cat though, just like I love the other pain in the buttocks.

Lets see...got lunch made, almost got coffee made...know my bus schedule...thanked God for being a good provider...anything I'm forgetting? I definitely have to get in some bible reading time tonight, or at least have the computer read the bible to me.

I like that. It lets me do stuff with my hands, and just tune in with my mind, which in effect means I can do the bible reading thing longer. The cat keeps gently nudging my knee with its head until I reach down and give it an ear scratch. I guess its getting its fix.

Its a scratch-addict! -- I should put it in there with my rommate. Let it nudge on her to get lovins.

Anyways, its getting near that time of the month, so my moods have been really erratic.I go from pissed to happy in the blink of an eye, and just as quickly switch back around. I know part of it is, also, that I've been so tired here lately. I mean, at times, its like moving through this...fog...trying to act.


This is not good when you work with money.

Anyways, I gotta go.

Motherbug, signing off!

My roommate is home. Herself has a headache. Hope she feels better soon.

We're having a debate. Well, more of a mutual "you're crazy" thing.

What's it over? ICE CREAM! Of course.

Its never ever ever too cold to eat Ice Cream, says I.

She says, It can be too bloody cold for Ice Cream.

Its not even down in the teens! Hmph!

*snicker*

Anyways, I created this new character on Achaea. She's a mouthy, innocent little Sentinel by the name of Braiizen.

What the world? Someone used the name Mellifluous? Isn't that a word describing voice something-nor-other? BAH! Be original , you twits!

We're on Mysia. Yo-ho, Yo-ho, its a pirate's life for me!


Ooo, Grocery Shopping.

-chocolate syrup, chocolate cakes, milk, eggs, lunch meat, regular meat, cranberry juice (meself has a kidney infection), bread, and other assorted goodie things. Yeah.

Quote - If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy!

YES, I quoted a BSB song! Rawr! Fear me!

Gargh! Okay, so if any of you play achaea, you probably know about ACP, and the various versions.

I had XL, I loved it. I moved, had to redownload things, found out there was a new version, so I downloaded it.

ARGH! I can't get the bloody thing working right for nothin, and I'm Head of Defenders, I'm supposed to be able to fight. *mutter*

Anyways, also, I was in this arena fight, and this dude, Santar, keeps stunning me. I got a bit mouthy about it, and he's like "I only stunned you a few times." HAH! As long as stunning takes to recover from, it only takes a 'few' times to keep you on your arse so a Sent can win the fight. *mutter*

Its like 1:30, I'm calming down, waiting for my roommate to get home so we can go grocery shopping, and pondering reading my bible. I know I should read my bible, but if I read it when I'm as jittery as I am now, I can't concentrate on it.

I have to ride the bus tomorrow to work. Lovely. I mean, its not going to be all that bad, since I don't have to be at work until 10:30, but still. Grr. Argh. Heh.

I write rather disjointedly, don't I?

We had spaghetti last night, I had left over spaghetti for lunch. SPAGHHHETTTI! *cackle*

I need a social life. Preferably one involving a seriously awesome guy. Yes, my first instinct was to say 'drool-worthy', but have you ever noticed that all the drool-worthy guys are COMPLETE AND UTTER ARSE-RAGS? EUGH!

Hmm, my roommate's boyfriend is coming over this weekend. I know its a cool thing for her, and her boyfriend seems to be the decent sort, but part of me is going all NO! MINE SANCTUARY! Ya know? I know I've got to get over it, which is why I don't let on that I'm uncomfortable with the idea. I've got to get over this urge to hole up and not let anyone into the 'safe zone' I establish.

Okay, that sounds nutty, but yeah.

If they start moaning and groaning in the middle of the night, I'm putting on Backstreet boys!

So, I have this thing for Disney musicals...
My ITUNES playlist - Part of your world (Little Mermaid), Its only Make Believe (Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn), Colours of the Wind (Pocahontas), Reflections (Mulan), Hakuna Matata (Lion King), Tale as Old As Time (Beauty and the Beast), Be Our Guest (Beauty and the Beast), Once Upon a December (Anastasia), Journey to the Past (Anastasia), A Whole New World (Aladdin), Dirrty (Christina Aguilera) ----Yes, I know this is not exactly a proper song to listen to, but its got such a beat....------Jesus, Lover of My Heart, I can Sing of His love Forever, Hey, Mr. DJ, and Lay Down Beside me.

I got up this morning, walked into the front room, and DelilahDammit had knocked over the table AGAIN. I love this cat, but sometimes I could kick her. I really could.


Bah - you know you have big boobs, and a too-low seat when you sit down, and your boobs type letters. *snicker*

I've got this air-bed, well, more accurately, I HAD this airbed. I no longer have it, at least not to use as a bed. Now I've got it folded up, and a pillow on top of it. My roommates kittycats got to it, and decided to sharpen their claws, then more holes just started appearing.

LESSON - Never trust rubber. Its gets all holey.

I wish I could sing. Unfortunately, I sound like a dying duck.

Hmm, I need a new game to play, or something. Achaea's getting boring, I've not been able to write properly in ages, and ...yeah. Total and utter lack of a social life.


Motherbug, Signing off!